


Evolution is Just a Theory

by SolanumCrispumGlasnevin



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Crack, Historical Inaccuracy, Humor, M/M, Pre-Canon, probably, you really can just write whatever in fics huh?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolanumCrispumGlasnevin/pseuds/SolanumCrispumGlasnevin
Summary: Charles Darwin has just published ‘On the Origin of Species’ and Joe is trying to convince Nicky that this is one of the greatest scientific advancements of the past 100 years and not the musings of a madman. Nicky is having none of it. Andy does not help matters.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 1
Kudos: 86





	Evolution is Just a Theory

**Author's Note:**

> okay this idea struck me when I was going over notes for my lecture on evolution and it would not leave. enjoy.

Nicky is the love of his life. He is the earth which grounds him and the stars which inspire him. The path which guides him when he is lost and the untamed the wilderness which tempts him. 

He is also, on occasion, a complete fucking idiot.

‘I’m just saying Joe, if something that big has been going on I’m pretty sure we would have noticed it by now.’

A complete and utter moron.

‘Look, I’m not denying that if, _if_ , this is true that it would completely revolutionise science and our understanding of the natural world. Because it would! It would ground-breaking and revolutionary if it were not utterly, utterly false’. 

Nicky finishes his little speech with a very self-satisfied smirk and Joe has to very quickly remind himself that this man started life as a priest. He can cut him a little slack.

‘Nicky, my love’, he has to stop before he continues as he still cannot believe he is having to have this conversation with Nicky.

‘Are you a complete and utter fool!!?’, okay that miiight have come out a bit more aggressive than he intended. To be fair to him though, he has just spent the last two hours trying to explain to him that even compared to them, natural selection takes a long time to do its work.

‘Look, Joe, these types of things come and go, you know this! We’ve seen hundreds of fads and so called ‘facts’ fade in and out of fashion, this will be just the same, I promise you.’

Joe is saved from resorting to literally bashing a copy of ‘The Origin of Species’ against his husbands head to get him to see sense by the arrival of Andy.

‘Andy! Thank god you’re here I need your help in convincing Nicky of how stupid he’s being’.

‘My love, you wound me!’ Nicky protests loudly and under normal circumstances the look of mock outrage and the fake pout he sends him would be adorable, but right now Joe thinks it might be the most aggravating thing he’s ever seen.

Andy only frowns at the both of them, ‘If this is another Athens ’42 situation then I am in no way getting involved. I spent weeks convincing the locals that you two weren’t some risen again demons. My favourite bakery _still_ refuses to serve me’.

He can see Nicky wince at the mention of that, he'd never seen Andy that angry before and he certainly doesn’t want to again.

‘No no no, it’s nothing like that. I’m just trying to convince Nicky here that Darwin isn’t some crazy nut and he does actually know what he’s talking about.’

‘Oh that. Hmm, it does seem rather preposterous though doesn’t it? I think Nicky might be the one in the right here Joe’.

‘What!’ Joes shout is only drowned out by the crowing laughter emanating from Nicky. It’s as if the man has never even heard of the concept of a graceful winner before.

‘See, I told you Joe! Something this important we would have noticed happening. And Andy has been around for thousands of years longer than us, there’s no way she would have missed this.’

Joe shifts his glare back to Andy and mouths ‘traitor’ at her, and she only quirks her lips up into an amused smile at him.

‘What do I know though? I had much better things to do than document the thousands of different types of bugs on the Scythian plains. Maybe in a hundred years we’ll look back at this and scoff at how dismissive and foolish we were, though I wouldn’t bet on it’.

‘Or maybe we’ll have evolved into fishes and be exploring the deep sea by then’ Nicky chimes in and he and Andy both laugh at him.

‘Yeah yeah, just you wait. We’ll see whose laughing in 100 years’ time’.


End file.
